A few funny answering machines

6/16/2012

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Few Funny Answering Machine Messages
#1 Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

#2 Hi, John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.... Please speak very slowly while I write down the message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.

#3 Hello, you've reached Jim and Carol. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Carol likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
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Scared Dads

5/5/2012

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Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
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Bigger Boneless Chicken Breasts

4/7/2012

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The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
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